


There Was a Boy

by casismyhome



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Tragedy, Autistic Dean Winchester, Castiel Angst, Castiel Has Secrets, Castiel Needs a Hug, Castiel is Not Okay, Dean Needs A Hug, Dean Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Deathfic, Gen, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Protective Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-01 22:24:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13304583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casismyhome/pseuds/casismyhome
Summary: There is a boy in my French class. His name is Castiel Novak and he smells like soap.





	There Was a Boy

**Author's Note:**

> [DISCLAIMER AT END NOTES]
> 
> After 3 years I finally decided translate one of my works for you guys. I'm so happy!!! :)
> 
> I need to thank Jemariel, who read and corrected my text with attention and care. You're a wonderful person :3 and you guys can read Jamariel's works here: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jemariel/works .
> 
> Enjoy! :3

There is a boy in my French class. His name is Castiel Novak and he smells like soap.

I ask Sammy if he knows him, and my brother says that he is our new neighbor.

There is a boy in my French class. He wears tight jeans and shirts that hide his body.

I ask Gabriel if those clothes are not strange, and Gabe says that boys like him usually wear that kind of thing.

There is a boy in my French class. He comes to school with a black eye and does not look at the blackboard.

I ask my parents about it at dinner, and they look each other and go back to eating.

There is a boy in my French class. I see him coming out of psychologist’s room and I hear him talking about “hydrophobia”.

I ask Google what “hydrophobia” means, and it answers that is aversion to or morbid horror of liquid.

There is a boy in my French class. He does not come to school today and when I go back home, I listen to screams of our neighbors.

I ask Sammy why he is screaming at me too, then I realize I am down on my knees muttering Castiel Novak’s name.

There is a boy in my French class. I do not see him today because I went talk to Dr. Chuck.

I ask Dr. Chuck why I care about Castiel Novak so much, the boy from my French class, and he answers that maybe I like him.

There is a boy in my French class. He smiles at me today when I nod to him.

I ask Charlie if I can like Castiel Novak, and she says “yes” after smiles at me.

There is a boy in my French class. He does not understand references that teacher makes.

I ask him if he wants to watch “Inglorious Bastards” with me and after classes, we watch the movie together.

There is a boy in my French class. Today we eat lunch together and I notice some marks on his neck.

I ask Sammy what they are when we pass by him again, and he says that looks like a hand mark.

There is a boy in my French class. I do not see him in the first class and in the second he has tears in his eyes.

I ask him if everything is okay but he screams at me.

_I cry in the bathroom, hiding, just like I cried when my father said that I was a stupid idiot… that will never amount to anything good._

There is a boy in my French class. His hair is a mess and he apologizes to me.

I ask him the reason for the apology, and Castiel Novak laughs like that was some joke.

There is a boy in my French class. Today the teacher asks the class form groups, and I team up with Castiel Novak.

I ask him what song he wants to choose to our written test, and he just gives me his headphones and plays “Je Vais T’Aimer”.

_I listen to that song every day since… then._

There is a boy in my French class. He says that I have a beautiful voice and I know that I could sing all the songs in the world if he asked me.

I ask my uncle Bobby what falling in love feels like and he answers me that is the same as drinking whiskey: the more you drink, the more you want, and more numb and dumb you become. Uncle Bobby understands a lot of whiskey, he knows what he is talking about… but dumb?

There is a boy in my French class. Since I missed one class, I borrow his notebook. It is blue, written in black and silver pen.

I ask Gabe if he thinks that the notebook is too organized, but he just opens a half smirk to me and says, “do not dirty the pages, Deanno”. Just like Castiel Novak, I do not understand the reference.

There is a boy in my French class. Today he did not come to class, and after I go to his house and knock on the door.

I ask the woman with beautiful red hair if I can see Castiel Novak, but she closes the door in my face.

_I say “please Sammy, help me to sleep, I’m so sad”._

There is a boy in my French class. Today I did not look so much at him, because of today… I am nothing in a universe of so much.

I ask my mom if I can take some of her sleeping pills, so I can just sleep, and she says that is safest if I drink tea.

There is a boy in my French class. Today I did not see him since I had to go to Dr. Chuck.

I ask Dr. Chuck if I can break down the door of Castiel Novak’s house and save him, but he just shakes his head and gives me another pill.

There is a boy in my French class. Today he is wearing a beautiful trench coat and the same tight jeans.

I ask Castiel Novak if I am pretty like him, and his face blushes when he says “yep”.

There is a boy in my French class. We present to the teacher the written test and we earned A+.

I ask Castiel Novak if he still listens to the song, and he answers “always”.

There is a boy in my French class. I create a theory about Castiel Novak being my angel because he saved me from my slide down the stairs.

I ask him if he believes in other lives, and he just smiles at me.

There is a boy in my French class. After miss two days of class, he appears pale and with lots of sweaters.

I ask Castiel Novak if everything is fine, and he rolls up the sleeves carefully

to

not

scrape

the

stitches

that

I

can

see

all

the

way

up

his

arm.

There is a boy in my French class. Today he brought to me a purple flower and a smashed chocolate.

I ask him why he did that, and he kisses me on my lips suddenly and softly, asking me for apologies. I eat the chocolate fast and put the flower in a glass when I go home.

There was a boy in my French class. I try to say only good things about him, but every moment that I passed by his side was good - just not the end of his life. Castiel Novak was seventeen years old when we met each other and he had perfectly blue eyes. His smile was the most beautiful after of the smile of my mom and I believed that his collarbone was lovely. 

I asked Sammy what funerals look like, and when we were on the way to Castiel Novak’s funeral, he explains to me that there are cloudy and tearful like the drops that fall from the sky.

There was a boy in my French class. At his burial, it was just his family and I - his only friend - and my brother.

I asked Castiel Novak’s body lying in the coffin “are you alright? are you okay?” Every night, I still wait for his answer in my ear.

There was a boy in my French class. I did not know the reason his soul was so sad and cold… but I knew that if he let me cover him like a mother... he would be warm and he would blush again.

I asked Sammy why my heart was beating so hard and why my stomach was hurting, and he said that was the fault and the feeling of missing someone, and he hugged me and let me cry.

There was a boy in my French class. Everything I expected of him, I received. His friendship, the sound of his voice, one last image of his eyes and his smiles and the memory of his lips on mine.

I asked myself, looking in the mirror, what was missing. What did Castiel Novak not give to me? I realized, even being an idiot, that I did not receive the most obvious thing that Castiel Novak could give to me:

The simple chance to hear his voice speaking in French.

**Author's Note:**

> This work contains:
> 
> \- Depression character; suicide mentions; referenced self-harm; self-medications mentions.
> 
> If some of this tags make you feel uncomfortable, stay safe and return if you feel better. Your safety is more important.
> 
> Also you can send me a dm on Twitter any time! https://twitter.com/lgrms_estlrs or found me on Wattpad https://www.wattpad.com/user/lagrimas-estelares


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